EARTH INVADED BY ROLLING METALLIC ALIENS?! Some say scooters are merely innocent vehicles for exhilarating fun. Others claim they have a far more sinister purpose. Researchers at the Institute for Earthling Paranoia have made up evidence proving quite refutably that the proliferation of scooters on Earth is directly almost linked to certain inexplicable yet possibly dangerous hypothetical space phenomena. Deep space telescopes, if looked through while squinting and turning the head slightly while holding a bright flashlight over the far end, show evidence of a giant "intergalactic sidewalk" reaching to Earth from somewhere near the crab nebula, just past the planet with the big blinking neon "Q" on it. Researcher I.M. Makenitup believes this is the invasion route followed by the gleaming metallic aliens on wheels. He cites the hundreds of thousands of human injuries as proof that this is no casual visit to Earth by the metallic demons from deep space. "My Evil-o-meter goes right off the scale when the Evil Collector Wand is placed near one of these demon rolling scooters," says Dr. Makenitup. "Obviously these 'Scooteroids,' as I call them, are spewing bits of negative energy which are causing major bruising and scabs all over the world." Independent observers agree that it appears they are making energy slaves of humanity as youth are driven madly to move, move, move on their shiny metal instruments of destruction in endless circles of despair, ironically providing the power needed to fuel their own demise! One small pink alien in green tights who grew up in the vicinity of the Scooter planet was skeptical of this invasion theory, saying, "Heck with Scooteroids. You should be terrified of those small fake animals full of beans… they're the ones that have taken over entire solar systems leaving nothing but cold, dark space in their wakes! They use those cute little faces to gain entry to homes all through the universe, springing to life to viciously attack with their smiling hand-stitched faces, adding to the macabre horror. So why fear Scooteroids? It's the bean animals that are the real menace! "